Super Bowl Post!

Super Bowl Sunday! It’s finally here, and while not everyone is happy with the participants (myself included). The Super Bowl is here and ready to rumble. Super Bowl Sunday is comparable to Christmas for some and a hemorrhage to others.  This years matchup is between the Flew Flengland Flatriots and the Flew Flork Fliants. The Beautiful Bom Trady and the awkward and clumsy Peli Panning. The Baboon Butt faced Tom Coughlin 

Eerily Similar, eh? And the even keeled Bill Beeeeelichek

That was his face in every picture online.

But enough about this years Super Bowl.  Today I want to talk about my favorite moments of the Super Bowls that have occurred in my lifetime.

1. 

This was one of the more spectacular moments in FCC history. JT flippin’ some boobage into America’s respective eyelids. While the Patriots beat the Panthers in an extremely good and close 32-29 game, the halftime show was the talk of the world. Thank heavens Twitter wasn’t a thing yet.

2.  Peyton Manning finally winning the Big One, and beating the Bears in the process. It took him 8 years of dominating everyone, but he finally did it. Hopefully young buck Eli doesn’t steal too much of his thunder after today’s game.

3. Kurt Warner to Larry Fitzgerald hooking up for a lead taking 64 yard touchdown catch against the vaunted Steelers. Unfortunately the Cardinals shaky D couldn’t hold on for the win but the play was fantastic none the less.

4. Kevin Dyson being tackled at the one yard line, allowing the Rams to hold on to victory. A fan of neither the Titans or the Rams, this play was crazy to watch even as an outsider to the teams. I can imagine the Titans feeling something like this guy:

and Rams fans feeling like this: 

5. The Green Bay Packers beating the yucky gross Pittsburg Steelers 31-25. There isn’t a team in the NFL that I hate more than the Steelers. As a lifetime Vikings and 49er’s fan seeing the Packers do it was a bittersweet feeling, but sweet is the key word in that whole ordeal.

You’re welcome. Another quite hilarious point in this game was the half time show, in which the Black Eyed Peas performed, of whom my fellow Fwaaher Cal covered exclusively in his post here.

The Fwaah’s superbowl pick? Everyone has one, here is ours: Doritoes will have the best commercial, and Tim Tebow wins the MVP. For reals though: Patriots: 34 – 24

-Fwaah, Cole

Cal Mader. President.

As the Presidential elections come closer, and without a clear Republican leader. I got to thinking… I could be President. I think most people would like to think they have what it takes to be president, and likely they really don’t have the skills and political savvy that is needed to be the President of the United States. However, what I have that no one else has is that I have an amazing set of changes. Like, sure, some of them seem absurd. I realize that it probably isn’t in the best interest of the country for most of these rules to be implemented. But, when you see my final rule change… I think you’d all agree that the vile rules are worth it for the possibility of what is to come.

Rules that I will implement as the President of the U.S.

1. All first born sons must be named Cupid or Buttbutt.

…We’re off to a great start here…

2. We will bomb every country that begins with a specific letter. The letter will be determined by a Bingo Lottery System lead by the Cleveland Cavaliers owner.

Sure thing Mr. President, I'd be happy to let you assert your power over Earth.

3. I believe that evolution needs to be taught to all children. However, they will be taught that we, as a human race, evolved from Benjamin Franklin who gave birth to Moses and Charles Darwin.

Darwin! My bro.

I furrow my brow at you, Moses.

4. Our official language: Meow.

5. Chairs are banned. Including wheelchairs. They now be Wheel-stools.

6. Our military will be lead by whoever Ashton Kutcher is dating.

This guy picks our military command? Makes sense to me. He's totally hawt, broseph.

7. Orangutans are the only legal pet.

I smell like poop. Do not bring me in your house.

8. Cars must be painted to look like me.

8. Cars must be turned into scrap metal. For everyone to have Airplanes.

8. I get Airplanes.

9. Everybody will have to learn how to pogo stick, ride unicycles, or fit into small cars for the first ever Nationalized Clown Force. Similar to the Army.

10. If I win, there will be a free Dippin Dots day.

This picture is basically porn.

I guarantee victory.

That’s how good Dippin Dots are. All these things would probably not be in the best interest of anybody but Adam’s parents. They hate chairs. But come on… Dippin Dots! They’re glorious. You would vote for me for free Dots. Don’t even lie to my face about it.

Who's gonna be voted President in 2012? This guy.

Crusty

“Students, please tell me about Christopher Columbus.”
“Man. That boy is crusty.“

Crusty as defined by Urban Dictionary. Urban Dictionary: The leading word defining machine since that schnozzle, Webster.

Some definitions:
1.Someone who doesn’t shower or bathe as a statement.
2. a fan of the genre of harsh punk rock/hardcore music called crustcore, crust punk or simply crust.
3. Adjective used to decribe old people,a gross unidentified substance, anything broken, dirty, crumby, badly made/conceived, falling apart, stupid, wierd, gross, this word can be used very freely as it goes with anything that may have to do with the word crust but it never describes anything good.
4.Something grotesque, dirty, or hideous.

The most common definition is to be smelly. So lets go through and discuss the most crusty people out there:

10. Eleanor Roosevelt

9. Pig Pen

8. Genghis Khan

7. Amy Winehouse. Too soon?

6. Man From India

5. Krusty

4. Flavor Flav

3. Jocelyn Wildenstein

2. Galileo

1. Christopher Columbus

Take a shower guys. Get that crust off yo’self.

-Cal

fwaah.

What is Space Jam? (Some thoughts and findings…)

We all as humans have found ourselves looking up to the heavens. Wondering, trying to comprehend what kind of cosmic forces could have come together in such perfect harmony quite like the NBA and animation powerhouses of the 90′s to create the breathtakingly complex, Space Jam. But what is the Big SJ really?

Well it’s a vehicle of supreme high life 90’s nostalgia racing around the hearts of every twentysomething whether they know it or not. A little bit of Space Jam lives in all of us. Michael Jordan is simply the greatest basketball player ever to walk (or perhaps AirWalk…) the earth, and to AirWalk into our hearts.

Yeah…. Go ahead and say that you wouldn’t, we all know you would.

Through the eyes of the SJ camera Michael Jordan was forever revered as the king of  the basketball court. His biggest critics may try to remember MJ as a ball-hog trash-talker instead of a team leader; the centerpiece in the legacy of the late 90’s Bulls; or try to make it seem MJ couldn’t let a good thing like six rings, come to a clean end after Jordan’s admittedly feeble attempt at a comeback, (to get a seventh ring to go with his six rings,) with the Wizards from ’01 to ’03. People holding these sentiments chip away at the pure ivory (ebony?) statue of basketball history he left behind. However Jordan holds over nineteen thousand NBA records including (but not limited to): six rings, the highest career regular season scoring average, best bod, and winner of the Michael Jordan look-alike contest fifteen years in a row.

For real, he has six rings.
And the Loony Toons?

The Loony Toons are an almost equally powerful force of good as MJ. Bringing laughter, clean slapstick humor, and silly hijinks with significantly less racist overtones than Disney for decades.

This movie has never been officially released… do you really wonder why?

The Loony Toons have always been a good for a solid chuckle or a thought such as, “I didn’t know you could put a frying pan there…” or “That cat REALLY wants that mouse for something…” But “What is Space Jam?” is a bigger question than what one may initially think. As I did some research into the question looking past the surface, I came across several shocking revelations that really shook me to my core. Upon researching many sample populations, data points, and scholarly articles, I was struck with the shock and horror that not everyone has seen Space Jam. My future children can expect to be exposed to Space Jam approximately ten seconds after relocation from the womb. It will be the easiest transition from a life of warm comfort and satisfaction into this desolate wasteland of a planet… a desolate wasteland that’s brightest shining light is the wonderment that is Space Jam.

Despite these FACTS of life, people are still non-believers in the beauty of “The Jam.” I compared a million things, compiled the data, and was shocked to find these results.

This makes sense.

Followed by…

If you have seen Space Jam, you know this follows logically.

But this….

This is horrific and terrifying.

This makes me feel sad and scared for our county’s future. There are people likely running for office that have never had an opportunity to lay witness to a confrontation between the ToonSquad’s array of colorful, Warner Bros. branded, basketball warriors, and the once small, kinda powerful aliens from outer space who are just a general annoyance, the MonStars. How can so many live what they believe are to be happy lives when they haven’t experienced that moment when the belief of your ability to fly overcomes all obstacles. So remember kids… Friends don’t let friends live a Space Jam-less life. Let’s see if we can build a better tomorrow, today. With daffy too.

MJ imparting some of his timeless wisdom upon one lucky duck.

SIDENOTE!

Bill Murray was in this movie. Seriously, how much amazingness can one movie fit into one VHS tape…

No Bill... You're Awesome.

-Adam

fwaah.

Fun Fact of the Day!

Image

Hello all!

Trying out a new feature in the blog these days! As we come across random interesting factoids in our daily life, we do our best to check and then double and quintuple check the source and truthiness of said facts. Then, we pass the savings along to you!

Not to worry, this will not take over the blog as the only source of information and hilarity, but rather will supplement and hopefully beef it up a little bit! Our blog is a growing boy and needs as much interesting content as possible!

So, I was spending my Thursday morning as I normally spend my Thursday mornings: looking up “Little People” on the internet. One thing led to another and I was brought to the attention of this little guy.

A Happy-Go-Lucky Munchkin

This man here, is Karl Slover. He is one of four living “Munchkins” from The Wizard of Oz. Isn’t he just the cutest? Yes. Yes he is. This dude is 93, and he is still kicking it. Look at that shine he has, you know he could tell you a story or two. And the first think you might notice in the photo is the elephant-like size of his ears. (Not intended as an insult! We love Munchkins. We really do!)

What we wouldn't do for this mug... Oooooh boy.

Anyway, munchkin mugs aside, The Fun Fact of the Day IS: As we continue to grow, so do our ears and noses! No joke! Dr. Oz can back me up on this one. (We’re talking about munchkins… Dr. OZ…. coincidence? I think not.) So as we continue to grow and our final days inch closer and closer, our ears transform from cute little facial structures into something out of a classic Disney movie.

Not that there's anything wrong with that...

Just as I have accepted Dumbo despite his unique physical properties, I for one welcome our large ear’d elderly folk. Besides, maybe soon we’ll have a sky full of old people flying around with their ears.  I wouldn’t say no…

So yeah! What you do with this brand new torrent of information is up to you, but the moral of the story is: Love your local munchkins, and don’t make fun of Dumbo, cuz your ear day is fast approaching.

edit @ 12:29pm: fwaah.

-Adam