The title of this post is pretty much the most straight forward title. You already know what I am about to do here. But, you gotta cut me some slack. I came up with that baller title of “Adele; Adieu” …Straight up gangsta. So, here’s another music post. It’s all about those late nights. When you’re out and bumbling your way to your house. And you got your iPod, and you are too tired to search for something different, and so you settle for your favorite band. Which ain’t no bad thing. But there are some great albums that match late night drives. I am gonna try and hit the no-brainers, but then enlighten you with some stuff that you might have missed.
Rules: Top 15. And we’re talking: you’re in the car, by yourself, on your way to sleepy sleep. And you’ve got at least a fifteen minute drive and you are tired.
Adele won six Grammy Awards this year. And to that I say, rubbish. Even more prestigious, she came in fifth on VH1′s Top 100 Greatest Women in Music. I know, you all support her and everything. She’s every woman’s role model. And she speaks for all of you. But here’s the deal. She’s really not that great. I am all about artists coming out of no where and taking the world over. But here’s a thing: she isn’t even the best one out there right now. So here we go. In classic Cal Mader fashion. A list of female artists better than Adele. Also, please note that this is in my opinion. Not Adam’s. We had to have a conversation about Amy Winehouse after this post. Her jazz stuff doesn’t impress me. Sorry, Holmes McHolmesDawg.
Rules. Had to have had an album in the 90s/ 00s/ 10s. Has to be a girl. I ain’t gonna remember or care to even grade all of them. Examples include Rihanna, Tori Amos, and Barabarabra Streisand.
Female singers that should be mentioned in any article talking about female singers:
Stevie Nicks – You wanna turn your face into a not-face? Tell me you hate Fleetwood Mac.
–You should probably listen to this song while reading this post. Just saying.
Karen Carpenter
Karen Carpenter (1950 - 1983)
Aretha Franklin – Did you know RESPECT is a cover? You do now. Expect a post on great cover songs soon.
Joan Jett
Janis Joplin
Etta James
The Pussycat Dolls
Female Singers who should not be things:
Nicki Minaj
Not a thing.
Amy Winehouse
Christina Aguilera Fergie
Liz Phair
Yoko Ono – Only because of what she did to the Beatles
Queen Latifah Danity Kane – One of their albums went platinum. I hate this.
Duffy
Female Singers of the last twenty years who are worse than Adele, but still deserve some serious recognition:
Regina Spektor
A good smile is one of the most beautiful things women can do. I believe that love starts with a woman's smile.
Madeline Follin of Cults – April 16 2012: First Ave.
Karen O of Yeah Yeah Yeahs
Imogen Heap
Kelly Clarkson
Whitney Houston
Elly Jackson of La Roux
Ke$ha – Almost not a thing. But she’s kind of a thing. Not close to Adele, but a thing. Karmin Zooey Deschanel – We love Zooey here at theFwaah.
Katy Perry AKA Katy Hudson. The Christian Singer.
Shirley Manson of Garbage
Sinead O’Connor
Lady Gaga
Alanis Morissette
Enya – I wanted to put the Enya scene from Girl With a Dragon Tattoo. But the scene is kinda late in teh movie, so it’d give some stuff away. So. Watch the movie, because it’s phenomenal. And the Enya scene is absolutely perfect.
Colbie Caillat
Kimya Dawson – She’s coming to Winona for the Midwest Music Festival.
PJ Harvey – She’s big in England, becuase all of her songs are love songs to England. Regardless, really cool indie rock songs.
Taylor Swift
Here’s the deal. Singers who are better than Adele. And I don’t care what you say.
Leigh Nash of Sixpence None the Richer
Dolores O’Riordan of The Cranberries
Alison Krauss (27 Grammys)
Joy Williams of The Civil Wars
Gwen Stefani Beyonce
Alicia Keys
Ingrid Michaelson
Hayley Williams
I have a thing for redheads. In case you haven't noticed.
As you can see. Adele is better than most. But she certainly isn’t the best female singer out there right now. Not even close. She’s like middle of the road of the best female singers. That’s still… amazing. But it ain’t six Grammys good. I liked 21. I thought it was a good album. But I wasn’t about to say it was better than every album out there. Please people. Let’s take a step back and say goodbye to our relentless rapture with Adele.
Adele, you ain't bad. You're actually pretty baller. You just arent's six Grammys good. I hope you have a great career filled with heartbreak, so you can continue to write music.
Adele, adieu.
Bonus: My favorite three female singers:
1. Stevie Nicks
2. Hayley Williams
3. Soprano from University of Chicago’s Voices in Your Head. During the recording of Magic off of Ben Folds A’Capella album. Check out ALL of it, but at least 2:50 on…
If you disagree with me, hit it up in the comments section. Stand up for your fav girl!
Yet another expedition into the Grinsell archives yields a fruitful bounty of blogs and Nesquik mix. However, as I shuffle through the darkness my ears catch a faint whistling echo in the distance. ”Merely the wind,” I say as I brush off my dusty memories of old sheriffs and Barney Fife. I continue my journey, with the determination of a guido at a nightclub, but I can’t help but think that some music would indeed lighten the mood as the cold dark surrounds me…
Oh, so it’s Thursday? That means the only class you have is a discussion for an introductory course on scratching your butt. You already have a B in that so there’s really no reason you should wake up before ten-thirty. Once the relentless sunshine rustles you from your slumber, you realize you got nothing to do today. You could sit on the couch and doing homework scratching your butt and it wouldn’t even matter! So you whip out the Mac Book and suddenly it hits you. Today, you are becoming a musician. And it’s all thanks to this little guy.
Actual guitar and talent not included.
A Day in the Life of a GarageBand Musician.
Phase 1: Optimism.
Optimism. A deadly first timer's mistake.
As the little guitar icon bounces up and down in eager anticipation to destroy your hopes and dreams, an almost overwhelmingly strong wave of positivity cascades over the Musician. Thoughts wander to back stage parties, hotel foam parties, and Bob Saget Parties. The program finally loads and gates of musical paradise have opened. It’s time to make some music.
Phase 2: Snack Break.
We recommend Gushers. After a grueling fifteen minutes setting up GarageBand with the new Billboard chart topper, a musician wants food that gushes flavor in the same way their fans will be gushing adoration for the rock star’s tight pants. Everyone loves fans. Except for the groupies. Groupies are nasty.
These ladies are definitely not smuggling narcotics... in their noses... and in their bloodstreams.... Okay, they do cocaine.
Phase 3: Choosing a genre.
Usually when someone makes a song, they like to stick with formulas and styles they are comfortable with and have proven successful in the past. Since an up-and-coming musician doesn’t want to make a potentially career altering move so early in the game, a GB Musician must at all costs throw in a hint of every genre they have been exposed to in the last five years. EVERY. GENRE. No exceptions.
June is also my birthday month. This is not a coincidence.
This decision allows the artist to remain “hot and fresh” so as not to become old, stale, and irrelevant like that Bob Dylan guy. If Owl City can hit number one with his monster hit, “Koala Bear Skylines Behind Electric Eel Sunsets” than anyone can, right?
Phase 3: Smoke Break.
If you don’t smoke, skip this step. If you do smoke, this will be the first of many. I hope you bought a new pack of Camel Crushes, because you are going to need them.
Phase 4: Looking around the house for lyrical/band name inspiration.
At this point, the musician understands that the next sentences they write must be the most insightful they have ever penned. They must write something that shows off their caring, thoughtful side, while establishing themselves . The closest thing to them is a lamp, so their song must be about being a light in the darkness.
Watch your back Adele.
But mostly, it’ll come across like a song that was written about a lamp. Also, band names that contain the word Mud or Mudd or any other spelling are gonna have it rough. A musician must spend more time naming the band than actually being in the band. Crucial step.
Phase 6: Lunch Break.
A musician must be careful with their diet. Their body is now a national treasure along the lines of Monica Lewinski’s blue dress. No longer can one eat what they want, but rather, they are confided to the brown-bagged lunches of champions and diplomats.
Coming back! Netflix 2013, baby!
Anything with unnecessary syllables or accents is now their bread and butter. Goodbye chunky chicken noodle with a Snickers, hello Ayam Bakar with a side of Achaar. Which may sound like a plateful of jihad, but actually is quite the tasty Indonesian dish. (We do not condone the eating of snickering puppies. That’s something a meanie pants would do.)
Phase 7: Actually recording musical sounds.
Now that their belly is full of top shelf delicacies, the music must be made. The next two hours will be spent with the tinkering with the distortion on the bass. This is not a fruitful phase. Nothing gets done. Another Camel Crush is consumed.
Phase 8: TalentHaters.
Any successful GB musician will say that a fundamental part of becoming a successful entertainer is addressing those who don’t share the same artistic vision as you. You have to address these people in as many songs as possible, so you can let them haters know who has the true skills. Be sure to reference the haters at any given opportunity, even if there are no haters. The people who say, “We aren’t haters, we just want you to shut up,” are secret haters, and are not to be trusted. When it appears there are no haters, that’s when people hate the most.
Nothing more should be said.
Phase 9: Taking a step back to admire the work.
Another day of music laid to rest.
A musician must be aware of the socio-economic environment they are releasing their music into. Are the people ready? Is it too progressive? Will there be enough room in the mailbag for all the letters of gratitude? The answer is always no, to all of these questions. It’s in a musician’s blood oath to change the landscape of music forever, starting with trimming off the nu-metal leaves. It’s really time to kick that one to the curb.
Yes, people listened to Mudvayne at one point. NEVER FORGET!
Phase 10: Party and Wait for praise.
At this point, a musician will want to turn off all their phones, as they will be ringing off the hook. It’s time to spend some alone time with their thoughts and a mountain of drugs, and exotic animals. It’s time to get so weird they turn into corn.
Not KORN, thank Talos. The C/K is crucial.
At this point, all interest is lost in finishing the project, and it becomes yet another shelved work of genius. Years later, a musician will come across their old pieces of work, and upload them various places in an attempt to raise interest and relevance. However… it will still sound mostly like songs about lamps.
Fwaah
-a
p.s. included is my own landscape shaping piece of futuristic art. Let it load, and revel in my mastery.
As a selfish way to promote the blog, I would like for you to know that you can open up the ‘comments’ section and click on the ‘facebook’ or ‘twitter’ link. That way it is an easy way to share us with your friends. I know, this is a blatant begging for the views. But I need them. Give them to me. I’ll have Gob follow you to your car… The other thing is, this post is going to relate to about nobody. So my friend like Josh Mitchell is not going to be able to relate to this post. And for that I apologize. But, hopefully he’ll enjoy it anyways.
Middle School. We all did it. The worst three years of your life. The constant battle with trying to be “normal.” Eh. Whatever. This blog is not about that. We’re about references, and bringing up stuff that you have not thought about in a bit/ever. But here’s where I’m getting at my little confused marmots (last night, Cole and I were chillin and watching Lost when Cole farted. I looked at him and I was all like, “Something is dead in you. A thing died in you!” And Cole was all like, “Yeah man, it’s a marmot.” That was the first rodent he thought of. A marmot. Like, not a rabbit or raccoon. A marmot. Cole’s mind is a scary place). We listened to garbage in middle school and high school. Yeah, you know what else sucked? High School. Like, not all of it. I am not about to rip on high school. It really wasn’t the worst thing ever. As for the music goes, there were some gems in there. But man were there some poop-pies.
The music was either like angsty punk or angsty rock or just angsty angst. Hey the 90′s have been done for a bit. It took us middle-schoolers and high kids awhile to realize it. So here’s what I gotta do. It is my obligatory obligation to oblige you with a list. A list to break down the music we listened, broken down in two categories: 1. Music that is worth going back and listening to again. and 2. Music to bury and repress those memories like a bad camp memory where you were sick because you ate too many uncooked hot dogs and then fell out of your bunk bed because you had to puke, but the fall knocked all the air out of you so you couldn’t make it to the bathroom or even outside so you ended up puking all over yourself and cabin. Or, at least, the memory of your elementary school friend Michael Smith pissing on you. As always, we’re gonna miss some stuff. Let it be known in the comments section.
I did do some research for this blog. I know, “research” is more like casual conversations. But here me out, interviews are primary sources.
ALBUMS TO LISTEN TO AGAIN:
These are some great bands that you might have forgotten ’bout. But, you know, they still exist in many cases, and are worth your time to check out again. Most of these are pop punk bands. My friends and I were all about that. In no particular order, we’ve got:
Motion City Soundtrack.
Commit This to Memory - 2005
These guys are from Minneapolis. And their most recent album, My Dinosaur Life was really really good actually. As far as pop punk goes. But it’d be worth checking out Commit This to Memory Again… again.
My Chemical Romance.
The Black Parade - 2006
Brosephs, I know. It doesn’t get more emo than this. But! The Black Parade is absolutely phenomenal.And I mean that. I still enjoy this album. It’s got guitar solos, and not every song sounds the same, and like… drums… Check these guys out. Adam actually made me listen to these guys back in 2006, and I have never regretted it.
Say Anything.
...Is a Real Boy - 2004. Re-Issue: 2006.
What I mean is, …Is a Real Boy. Check that album out. Don’t listen to In Defense of the Genre. It’s not good. But, knowing my friends, ...Is a Real Boy has never once left our iPods since 2006. It defines high school for me.
Mae.
Everglow - 2005
Honestly, I forgot about these guys. But they’re still good. Everglow feels like an album. And most music that I lsitened to back in the day ws just a bunch of singles. But Everglow flows really well.
Anberlin.
Never Take Friendship Personal - 2005
Hahaha. No seriously, these guys had some good tracks that haven’t aged. I swear. They’re still good. I promise. Is this what false security tastes like?
…Wait, this is what they sound like. I thought they rocked. They were so heavy man!
…Yeah. Still on the fence. I saw Anberlin perform this Summer and they were awesome. So… That counts for something. Shut up.
Linkin Park.
Meteora - 2003
Um. I’m serious. Is this post losing all of the faith in this blog in one post. I’m not even done yet. I am going to crash and burn this site harder than Italian boats captains.
- Side note: Adam and I watched this music video like every time we hung out from 2003 to 2005.
Paramore.
Riot! - 2007
Hayley Williams.
The Postal Service.
Give Up - 2003
These guys are Indie gods. You all know this. If you haven’t done so in awhile, go back and just listen to this album. Its completely mind-numbing. Ben Gibbard’s best music. This isn’t an argument. Everyone agrees with me. Ben Gibbard’s best life moment: getting Zooey on lock. And then getting divorced is basically like the divorce of Zeus and Hera, only in terms of the future of scene kids everywhere. Ben and Zooey’s kids were going to be the coolest kids ever. I already hated them. And they didn’t even happen.
1.5
MUSIC TO CHECK OUT ONCE MORE AND THEN PROBABLY LEAVE ALONE FOR AWHILE AGAIN.
As before, no particular order.
Relient K
Anatomy of the Tongue in Cheek - 2001
Two Lefts Don't Make a Right... But Three Do - 2003
Mmhmm - 2004
This is a weird pick, because they had three albums that I jammed to all the time. And since then, they have sat on my shelf collecting dust and stories. They’re like the Buzz and Woody of my CD collection.
The Darkness.
Youtube video is all that is needed.
- Like, the whole album is worth listening to once more and then leaving alone. But this song should forever have a starting spot on your iPod.
Circa Survive.
This album is worth a check out. His voice was awesome back in high school, and now sounds terrible. Worth one last hurrah!
- Remember when titles of songs could be paragraphs? Thanks Fall Out Boy/ Devil Wears Prada/ Circa Survive….Which Reminds me.
Fall Out Boy.
From Under the Cork Tree - 2005
Their best album, Folie a Deux, came out my freshman year of college. And I still listen to that album quite a bit, actually. But their other stuff is worth remembering.
ALBUMS TO FORGIVE AND FORGET:
Okay. There’s too many to like… talk about… So I’ll talk about some and leave the others to just yourself to remember.
First off, let’s just get these outta the way, rock bands: Kutless Superchick Pillar Decyfer Down Red Family Force 5 Emery The Classic Crime Spoken Skillet Trivium In Flames P.O.D. Unearth Rise Against
Wow. Some of those hurt to look at. Kinda hit me. Because, I’d defend early Trivium to the death man. And Emery was like the first screamo band I ever listened to! And I listened to State of the Union by Rise Against last weekend. But they really are best to just forget about.
Others:
My buddy and I were on a two hour car drive. And we got on the topic of high school, and just depressing music that he used to listen to after his girlfriend broke up with him. It was hilarious. check out this list: Panic! at the Disco Mayday Parade and Blue October
…Here’s some videos reminding you to never listen to them again.
You know who else we need to move on from?
Hardcore bands anyone: A Day to Remember Sky Eats Airplanes Bullet for my Valentine Chiodos Silverstein
They were on your iPod or Zune. or Zen. Don’t lie. Forgive and Forget.
Oh Yeah. Just a couple more… Green Day Blink-182 Good Charlotte
-You listened to them. Don’t lie to me about it. It’s on your xanga. All-American Rejects Cobra Starship Shiny Toy Guns
And one more:
Switchfoot.
Switchfoot’s army is about to kill me.
I still wanna like Switchfoot. I do. Like. But I can’t. idk. brb. How are these guys still headlining festivals? Same with Skillet. Hey Christians, other bands have come out in the last decade. You can like them too. Switchfoot hasn’t come out with a good all around album since The Beautiful Letdown. Switchfoot fans everywhere are ready to blow up. “Dude! ‘Oh! Gravity’ was so good!” No it wasn’t. And I heard the song Dare You to Move enough times to not listen to Switchfoot ever again. You were fun Switchfoot.
That’s all I wrote. You didn’t read any of this did you? Good thing it took me all morning. Gah. Pathetic. It was fun to take a ride on the nostalgia train.
Welcome back to What the Fwaah! It’s 2012, and I am feeling good about this year. Let’s get it started:
As America continues to become a more and more secular society so does
our media and what is becoming acceptable to us as a mass. If you
don’t believe me, then imagine showing an episode of Family Guy in the 1950’s. Heck, imagine showing anything that was even remotely popular
in 2011 to the 1950’s. It is what happens. Ideals and morals change.
It’s an advancement. It is not anything bad, I promise you my young
readers. But there are sometimes when cleaner is better. And one
band’s career really shows why.
The biggest argument that cleaner is better comes from a simple band
that you might know as the Black Eyed Peas.
Black Eyed Peas
Green Peas
And I know what you guys are thinking, you are thinking, “Cal. You stupid idiot gypsy. The
Black Eyed Peas’ music is full of obscenities.” Well, let me take your
argument and shoot it back at you: they have edited music, and it is
better. Come on. Take the hit song, “Let’s Get Retarded” by the Black
Eyed Peas. Wait. You’ve never heard that song? Really? It reached
number 4 on the charts in 2004. It was used as the NBA Playoff theme
song in 2004, and has been used to kick-off every party at every effin
frat house and high school get together for the past five years. Oh
wait, that’s right. “Let’s Get Retarded” is a terrible song. Nobody
ever listened to it. The NBA did not use it for a commercial (but,
honestly, I wouldn’t put it past the NBA. Its marketing decisions are
sometimes… well… retarded.). The song we all know and love is “Let’s
Get it Started.” You know, the song that put Black Eyed Peas as more
than just a “Where is the Love?” band. That jump started their career.
The career that, for me, imploded at the 2011 Super Bowl halftime show
(can we quick take a second and analyze that? Of course we can, it’s
my blog.
That half time show was terrible. It started off with the
Black Eyed Peas fully relying on electronics and special sound
technologies to make them sound even close to good. Come on guys, you
guys used to be a band. You used to be doing something new and
original, and you have slunked ((just made up that word)) to new lows
as a complete sell-out and just crap music. On the biggest stage in
the entire world. In the words of the great Chris Berman, “C’mon,
man!” Not to mention that the Super Bowl has been relying on oldies
(but goodies) since the nipple thing ((I love that we as a society have a ‘nipple
thing’)). And, to add, Fergie did the Guns n’ Roses thing with Slash.
Gah. Words can not express the amount of vile that shit was. Fergie
looked like a mix between Jocelyn Wildenstein and Leonidas.
Fwaahgie.
That performance by Fergie ended the debate Fergie Vs. Gwen Stefani (never
a debate. Gwen is a Goddess, and Fergie pees her pants.) And Slash was
possibly the worst one out there. Completely devoid of a care. Imagine
that conversation, “Hey Slash, we need you to look like you usually
do. Play the riff you have been playing a kajillion times, and just
stand on a platform as Fergie attempts to sing like Axl, but
ultimately takes a dump on your best song.” Slash, “eff that. Go
away.” Super Bowl, “we will pay you a million dollars, and for two
days, you will be relevant.”
You can feel Slash's apathy towards all of this.
If it was not for Usher coming in and
saving the day the Super Bowl would have been a COMPLETE bust. Fleetwood Mac needs to do a Super Bowl. I have
been saying it for years, and I don’t mind if the Super Bowl goes back
to pop bands, but the oldies weren’t so bad either. Fleetwood Mac:
Super Bowl 2012 should be a Facebook thing at the very least.) Black
Eyed Peas’ “Let’s Get it Started” made them totally cool at parties,
sporting events, and every other time where pop music is accepted. It
ALL came because of their hit Grammy-winning song, “Let’s Get it
Started.” The song was played live at the 2004 Democratic National
Convention. You think John Kerry would have been down with the B.E.P.
if the Peas whipped out the “Let’s Get Retarded” to kick off their
event? Can we please just take a second and realize that the clean
version of this song is phenomenal. Everybody can totally dig it. It’s
been a pop song staple for over five years, and I would still throw it
out there if I was the DJ at a wedding, or whatever. Cleaner may not
ALWAYS be better, but in this case, it definitely was.
