random thoughts to confuse and enlighten.

Archive for October 7, 2011

Dinosaurs

The only thing better than a Tyrannosaurus Rex is two Tyrannosaurus Rex.
What is better than two Tyrannosaurus Rex?  Nothing.

Dinosaurs are awesome. They’re big and eat humans. Animals that eat humans are cooler than those who don’t.

Proof: Animal Greatness Theorem of Law.
Animal that has large teeth used to tear human bodies > Animals that frolic in daisies and terd nuggets.  
Bears > Chickens
Sharks > Llamas
Wolves > Butterflies

Dinosaurs are the ultimate. They would gladly go up to a human and proclaim, “Get this puny peach sack of lard and useless brains in my face.” Our brains make us capable of fighting back, but if were to take on a dinosaur one V. one… Our brains are just a nice side dish.

Little known fact, Dinosaurs enjoy full course meals. Appetizers, steak, and dessert.

You know what’d make a really fwaah’n good film? Zombie Dinosaurs.

fwaah.

EDIT://

“This ain’t a war, anymore than a war between men and maggots. Or, dragons and wolves. Or, men riding dragons, throwing wolves at maggots.” – Scary Movie 4

This quote was brought up by a friend, Conrad. Let’s discuss this.
Conrad says:
Dragon riding men equipped with Wolf darts > Baker’s Dozen Tyrannosaurus Rex
However. These dragons need to be more well defined. There is the Mulan Eddie Murphy dragon and the ‘Reign of Fire’ dragon.

This is a dragon that you do not fwaah with.

Or the super awesome dragon in “How to Train Your Dragon.”

This movie was awesome. Dragons are way better than dogs or cats or air.

However. We all know that these dragon are going to be that classic medieval dragon that can breathe fire, fly, and eat people. Which is important, as per the theorem says. So right now we have two animals that both eat humans: T-Rex and Dragons. Therefore, 1 Dragon > 1 T-Rex, but 2 Dragons < 2 T-Rex. Here me out: Dragons can fly and breathe fire, but nothing is better than two T-Rex. Everybody knows that. But a dragon is pretty darn close. So the problem now is that we add men wielding wolf knives. Wolves are not trust-worthy knives. It’s not their main objective. They were not created to be thrown at T-Rex or any other target a projectile might be used for. First off, wolves would be great against other humans, but a T-Rex could take on a wolf. Not even a close fight. And you would have to throw at least six wolves to bother a T-Rex. And there’s no way 6 wolves would sit on the back of a dragon and be chill about being thrown at anything. Wolves travel in packs too. So just having your one wolf is not good enough. A wolf > human anyways. A wolf would kill the human and then chill on the dragon til the dragon kills the wolf. So the ‘men with wolves’ is moot.

If the dragons were able to:
1. Give a shit. (Dragons are not about to fight together. They’d rather just chill around and be awesome.)
2. Work together.
3. Get rid of the humans. (They smell, are fat, are peach sacks, and try to be heroes.)

T-Rex can work together. Any doubters? Jurassic Park: Lost World. Fact.

I think that it comes down to numbers. I think that a dragon equals a 0.9 on the win scale (A dragon with men wielding wolves is a 0.75). A T-Rex equals a 0.85. However, two T-Rex equals a 2.0. The highest number you can achieve. There’s nothing better than 2 T-Rex. So for every two T-Rex, you would need 2.2 (repeating, of course) dragons.

So for our scenario of a baker’s dozen T-Rex:
13 T-Rex = 12(2.0) + 0.85 = 24.85 win. Therefore, there would need to be:
34 men riding dragons, throwing wolves to beat 13 T-Rex or
28 Dragons to beat 13 T-rex.

Confused? Probably. Enlightened? Yes.

fwaah