random thoughts to confuse and enlighten.

Archive for November, 2011

The Harvest Moon Effect

As I have grown over the years, I have become more and more Nostalgic about my years as a child growing up in the 90’s. I look back on those years fondly and with great joy;  remembering all of the fun I had playing still relevant Nintendo systems.

With the Technological revolution we have seen in the last 20 years, have come waves upon waves of new gaming systems.    Almost everyone had a gaming system of sorts growing up, whether it was a gameboy color, a sega dreamcast, or even the old fashioned snes. We all took away important life lessons from the games we played. Whether it was to never give up(mario) follow your dream(pokemon) or the value of a hard days work(HM64).

My first video game ever was Pokemon Blue, I picked Squirtle and we had some fun times, at least 30 hours worth. But I digress, here are some of the major lessons learned throughout our time playing Video Games (in no particular order).

1.

The one thing Ash Ketchum has taught us, other than not to be late, is to follow your dreams; no matter how dumb, drastic, or difficult. Oh, and that Gary’s a jerk off.

2.

Harvest Moon, the greatest game for the Nintendo 64, taught us many things. The main one being that Girls love Cake, and Flowers, if you give them enough cake and flowers they will eventually Marry you.

3. Harvest Moon also taught us the importance and value of putting in a Hard days work, while at the same time never forgetting to have Fun.

4.Oh the classics, Mario and Luigi taught us the importance of persevering and  Teamwork because together, they were an unstoppable TRAIN OF MADNESS AND VICTORY

5.

Plain and simple, Duke Nukem taught us(or me at least) that Blowing stuff up is a blast(pun intended), and that it solves all of our worldly problems.

6. 

Oh Zelda, what a world. Zelda taught us many things. It takes time to get a heart, music makes travelling possible, Friendship between a girl and boy is possible, and finally, No matter what Mask you wear, you will always be the same on the inside.

Fwaah

-Cole

Crusty

“Students, please tell me about Christopher Columbus.”
“Man. That boy is crusty.

Crusty as defined by Urban Dictionary. Urban Dictionary: The leading word defining machine since that schnozzle, Webster.

Some definitions:
1.Someone who doesn’t shower or bathe as a statement.
2. a fan of the genre of harsh punk rock/hardcore music called crustcore, crust punk or simply crust.
3. Adjective used to decribe old people,a gross unidentified substance, anything broken, dirty, crumby, badly made/conceived, falling apart, stupid, wierd, gross, this word can be used very freely as it goes with anything that may have to do with the word crust but it never describes anything good.
4.Something grotesque, dirty, or hideous.

The most common definition is to be smelly. So lets go through and discuss the most crusty people out there:

10. Eleanor Roosevelt

9. Pig Pen

8. Genghis Khan

7. Amy Winehouse. Too soon?

6. Man From India

5. Krusty

4. Flavor Flav

3. Jocelyn Wildenstein

2. Galileo

1. Christopher Columbus

Take a shower guys. Get that crust off yo’self.

-Cal

fwaah.

Ringo Starr

Just watch Ringo Starr throughout this video.

-Cal

fwaah

What is Space Jam? (Some thoughts and findings…)

We all as humans have found ourselves looking up to the heavens. Wondering, trying to comprehend what kind of cosmic forces could have come together in such perfect harmony quite like the NBA and animation powerhouses of the 90’s to create the breathtakingly complex, Space Jam. But what is the Big SJ really?

Well it’s a vehicle of supreme high life 90’s nostalgia racing around the hearts of every twentysomething whether they know it or not. A little bit of Space Jam lives in all of us. Michael Jordan is simply the greatest basketball player ever to walk (or perhaps AirWalk…) the earth, and to AirWalk into our hearts.

I know I would...

Yeah…. Go ahead and say that you wouldn’t, we all know you would.

Through the eyes of the SJ camera Michael Jordan was forever revered as the king of  the basketball court. His biggest critics may try to remember MJ as a ball-hog trash-talker instead of a team leader; the centerpiece in the legacy of the late 90’s Bulls; or try to make it seem MJ couldn’t let a good thing like six rings, come to a clean end after Jordan’s admittedly feeble attempt at a comeback, (to get a seventh ring to go with his six rings,) with the Wizards from ’01 to ’03. People holding these sentiments chip away at the pure ivory (ebony?) statue of basketball history he left behind. However Jordan holds over nineteen thousand NBA records including (but not limited to): six rings, the highest career regular season scoring average, best bod, and winner of the Michael Jordan look-alike contest fifteen years in a row.

For real, he has six rings.
And the Loony Toons?

The Loony Toons are an almost equally powerful force of good as MJ. Bringing laughter, clean slapstick humor, and silly hijinks with significantly less racist overtones than Disney for decades.

Nappy Hair.

This movie has never been officially released… do you really wonder why?

The Loony Toons have always been a good for a solid chuckle or a thought such as, “I didn’t know you could put a frying pan there…” or “That cat REALLY wants that mouse for something…” But “What is Space Jam?” is a bigger question than what one may initially think. As I did some research into the question looking past the surface, I came across several shocking revelations that really shook me to my core. Upon researching many sample populations, data points, and scholarly articles, I was struck with the shock and horror that not everyone has seen Space Jam. My future children can expect to be exposed to Space Jam approximately ten seconds after relocation from the womb. It will be the easiest transition from a life of warm comfort and satisfaction into this desolate wasteland of a planet… a desolate wasteland that’s brightest shining light is the wonderment that is Space Jam.

Despite these FACTS of life, people are still non-believers in the beauty of “The Jam.” I compared a million things, compiled the data, and was shocked to find these results.

An unbelievable amount of child labor went into making these images.

This makes sense.

Followed by…

Seriously, the kids make like ten cents an image.

If you have seen Space Jam, you know this follows logically.

But this….

The pixel-to-cash ratio is pretty much rock bottom. It's sad really...

This is horrific and terrifying.

This makes me feel sad and scared for our county’s future. There are people likely running for office that have never had an opportunity to lay witness to a confrontation between the ToonSquad’s array of colorful, Warner Bros. branded, basketball warriors, and the once small, kinda powerful aliens from outer space who are just a general annoyance, the MonStars. How can so many live what they believe are to be happy lives when they haven’t experienced that moment when the belief of your ability to fly overcomes all obstacles. So remember kids… Friends don’t let friends live a Space Jam-less life. Let’s see if we can build a better tomorrow, today. With daffy too.

MJ imparting some of his timeless wisdom upon one lucky duck.

SIDENOTE!

Bill Murray was in this movie. Seriously, how much amazingness can one movie fit into one VHS tape…

It's true!

No Bill... You're Awesome.

-Adam

fwaah.

The Coolest Cat

As the third and final contributing member of what the fwaah, I figured it was about time I, well, contributed.  Let’s take a look at a creature who so clearly does not get the respect, recognition, response, and any other R word it deserves: the Serval.

Serval Kitten, you're allowed a 5 second "Awwww!"

As you can see, the serval is quite adorable. Roughly 30 pounds, the serval is slightly larger than your run of the mill house cat. In nature, they are found in the African Savannah; so they need saving, too. As pets, they act more like dogs than cats, and need to hunt food, which makes them more awesome to have. As goes the laws of awesomeness; any animal that kills and eats things is better than any animal that does not.

Hunting in its natural environment

They can jump up to 10 feet into the air and use these mad hops to snatch little birds out of the sky. They are also territorial and protect up to 5 miles of land, so your house will always be safe with Serval at your side.

Like a regular cat, but better.

As we all can see, the Serval is stunning in appearance and much more awesome than any cat you may own.

Confused? Actually, probably not. Enlightened? Fa Showwww

Fwaah

-Cole