Welcome back to What the Fwaah! It’s 2012, and I am feeling good about this year. Let’s get it started:
As America continues to become a more and more secular society so does
our media and what is becoming acceptable to us as a mass. If you
don’t believe me, then imagine showing an episode of Family Guy in the
1950’s. Heck, imagine showing anything that was even remotely popular
in 2011 to the 1950’s. It is what happens. Ideals and morals change.
It’s an advancement. It is not anything bad, I promise you my young
readers. But there are sometimes when cleaner is better. And one
band’s career really shows why.
The biggest argument that cleaner is better comes from a simple band
that you might know as the Black Eyed Peas.
And I know what you guys are thinking, you are thinking, “Cal. You stupid idiot gypsy. The
Black Eyed Peas’ music is full of obscenities.” Well, let me take your
argument and shoot it back at you: they have edited music, and it is
better. Come on. Take the hit song, “Let’s Get Retarded” by the Black
Eyed Peas. Wait. You’ve never heard that song? Really? It reached
number 4 on the charts in 2004. It was used as the NBA Playoff theme
song in 2004, and has been used to kick-off every party at every effin
frat house and high school get together for the past five years. Oh
wait, that’s right. “Let’s Get Retarded” is a terrible song. Nobody
ever listened to it. The NBA did not use it for a commercial (but,
honestly, I wouldn’t put it past the NBA. Its marketing decisions are
sometimes… well… retarded.). The song we all know and love is “Let’s
Get it Started.” You know, the song that put Black Eyed Peas as more
than just a “Where is the Love?” band. That jump started their career.
The career that, for me, imploded at the 2011 Super Bowl halftime show
(can we quick take a second and analyze that? Of course we can, it’s
That half time show was terrible. It started off with the
Black Eyed Peas fully relying on electronics and special sound
technologies to make them sound even close to good. Come on guys, you
guys used to be a band. You used to be doing something new and
original, and you have slunked ((just made up that word)) to new lows
as a complete sell-out and just crap music. On the biggest stage in
the entire world. In the words of the great Chris Berman, “C’mon,
man!” Not to mention that the Super Bowl has been relying on oldies
(but goodies) since the nipple thing ((I love that we as a society have a ‘nipple
thing’)). And, to add, Fergie did the Guns n’ Roses thing with Slash.
Gah. Words can not express the amount of vile that shit was. Fergie
looked like a mix between Jocelyn Wildenstein and Leonidas.
That performance by Fergie ended the debate Fergie Vs. Gwen Stefani (never
a debate. Gwen is a Goddess, and Fergie pees her pants.) And Slash was
possibly the worst one out there. Completely devoid of a care. Imagine
that conversation, “Hey Slash, we need you to look like you usually
do. Play the riff you have been playing a kajillion times, and just
stand on a platform as Fergie attempts to sing like Axl, but
ultimately takes a dump on your best song.” Slash, “eff that. Go
away.” Super Bowl, “we will pay you a million dollars, and for two
days, you will be relevant.”
If it was not for Usher coming in and
saving the day the Super Bowl would have been a COMPLETE bust.
Fleetwood Mac needs to do a Super Bowl. I have
been saying it for years, and I don’t mind if the Super Bowl goes back
to pop bands, but the oldies weren’t so bad either. Fleetwood Mac:
Super Bowl 2012 should be a Facebook thing at the very least.) Black
Eyed Peas’ “Let’s Get it Started” made them totally cool at parties,
sporting events, and every other time where pop music is accepted. It
ALL came because of their hit Grammy-winning song, “Let’s Get it
Started.” The song was played live at the 2004 Democratic National
Convention. You think John Kerry would have been down with the B.E.P.
if the Peas whipped out the “Let’s Get Retarded” to kick off their
event? Can we please just take a second and realize that the clean
version of this song is phenomenal. Everybody can totally dig it. It’s
been a pop song staple for over five years, and I would still throw it
out there if I was the DJ at a wedding, or whatever. Cleaner may not
ALWAYS be better, but in this case, it definitely was.