Another lost article from the Grinsell Archives. All the information in this post is true, except for the parts after this notification. Only the names, dates, double dates, and information has been changed.
This post is brought to you by the word: “Alternative.”
Is the internet down? Well What The Fwaah is up with that? Seems like all your online resources have taken a little vacation to stand up to an oppressive government? Well it is probably true. I need to take a moment to correct a tagline from HBO’s “Game of Thrones”: Winter isn’t coming… Winter is here. The cold frigid air sweeps over our brown snowless landscapes of Minne-where’s-the-Snowta,
(Can I interject here for a moment? Where’s da snow?! FOR REAL!)
and the cold emptiness of a Wikipedia-less internet chills the bone. It truly is the chilliest day of the year, and it is only the 18th day of the year. That doesn’t leave many days, many days at all. BUT! There is hope and warmth ahead, for WTFwaah brings you happy alternatives in the cold darkness.
Enough weird… ONTO THE LIST!
Although today is a dark day, this is not a post about BEING sad, but fun alternatives! When the internet goes down… the people… occupy…. Themselves. Man I should have thought of something really powerful to go there. I’m just not cut out for the epic speeches game. These things will surely put a smile on your face unless you are a crabby Scrooge.
5. Pet a kitten. Punch a llama.
Kittens are cuddly. This is a fact. Even if you are allergic, hate cats, or have had some traumatizing event in your life that has left you physically or emotionally scarred by our feline friends, you can’t deny the fact that a warm cuddly kitten is hard to beat.
Llamas? Not so much. My llama hating days started with Tina and Napoleon when that stupid creature refused to eat it’s dinner. Plus, when you shave a llama they look like a dork. Look. It’s face seriously needs to be punchatized.
4. Give yourself a high five.
This is the saddest one on our list. Not because it doesn’t work, but because it is the most misunderstood. When seeing someone give themselves a high-five one might be filled with sympathy or pity. However, the feeling one gets when a truly successful self-five is administered is second only to the feeling of putting on a brand new pair of warm socks.
3. Grow a mustache. (Or make a fake one!)
2. Watch WerewolfCircus videos. (whatthefwaah is an acceptable alternative.)
They should start calling my posts the “Shameless Plug Station” because I manage to bring some awesome thing that I’ve done with my friends into it. However, this one will actually most likely brighten your day. Our silly antics of years past highlights just the right amount of amazing creativity and inspiration that was bestowed upon us from the heavens, paired with the intensity and bravado that would accompany us for years to come.
My sister’s elementary school class is our main draw for views these days, so I figured I’d try and squeeze a last few drops of fame out of our YouTube appearances.
1. Play any form of the “wear silly hats” game.
This is a perfect alternative to most disappointing things in life. I have a slightly controversial view that if can be placed upon your head it is a hat.
This is a life changing realization and one of the most significant moments in my life. Think about it… if it can go on your head it’s a hat. Bags, books, pillows, cats, tables, bananas, phones… the world. Ever heard the phrase: “The world is yours?” Well I take my own spin on that: “The World is your hat.” Think about it, it’s a beautiful world., and a beautiful hat.
Since this post is all about alternatives, I would feel greatly amiss if I didn’t have an incredible alternative to the number one alternative. The Ministry of Silly Walks is an obvious alternative. It also happens to be an unbelievably awesome alternative as well. This of course is implied because The Ministry of Silly Walks is alternatively one of the funniest things the python trope ever did. Enjoy your day filled of silliness.
fwaah the government.
and since I’m getting a small amount of traffic i just wanna post some things that you can do to help raise awareness about SOPA/PIPA since it is kinda lame…
Wikipedia’s Page about SOPA and PIPA so you can get informed on what these bills are and how they affect you.
Wikipedia’s Easy search engine to look up your local congress to show support, and FAQ.
Take 2 minutes? Enjoy the sillies.
edit: THIS will literally help you make a call to your senator. you’ll likely get the machine 😛 it’s awesome. i’m not even kidding.