random thoughts to confuse and enlighten.

Archive for the ‘History’ Category

Super Bowl Post!

Super Bowl Sunday! It’s finally here, and while not everyone is happy with the participants (myself included). The Super Bowl is here and ready to rumble. Super Bowl Sunday is comparable to Christmas for some and a hemorrhage to others.  This years matchup is between the Flew Flengland Flatriots and the Flew Flork Fliants. The Beautiful Bom Trady and the awkward and clumsy Peli Panning. The Baboon Butt faced Tom Coughlin 

Eerily Similar, eh? And the even keeled Bill Beeeeelichek

This was his face in every picture I saw

That was his face in every picture online.

But enough about this years Super Bowl.  Today I want to talk about my favorite moments of the Super Bowls that have occurred in my lifetime.

1. 

This was one of the more spectacular moments in FCC history. JT flippin’ some boobage into America’s respective eyelids. While the Patriots beat the Panthers in an extremely good and close 32-29 game, the halftime show was the talk of the world. Thank heavens Twitter wasn’t a thing yet.

2.  Peyton Manning finally winning the Big One, and beating the Bears in the process. It took him 8 years of dominating everyone, but he finally did it. Hopefully young buck Eli doesn’t steal too much of his thunder after today’s game.

3. Kurt Warner to Larry Fitzgerald hooking up for a lead taking 64 yard touchdown catch against the vaunted Steelers. Unfortunately the Cardinals shaky D couldn’t hold on for the win but the play was fantastic none the less.

4. Kevin Dyson being tackled at the one yard line, allowing the Rams to hold on to victory. A fan of neither the Titans or the Rams, this play was crazy to watch even as an outsider to the teams. I can imagine the Titans feeling something like this guy:

and Rams fans feeling like this: 

5. The Green Bay Packers beating the yucky gross Pittsburg Steelers 31-25. There isn’t a team in the NFL that I hate more than the Steelers. As a lifetime Vikings and 49er’s fan seeing the Packers do it was a bittersweet feeling, but sweet is the key word in that whole ordeal.

You’re welcome. Another quite hilarious point in this game was the half time show, in which the Black Eyed Peas performed, of whom my fellow Fwaaher Cal covered exclusively in his post here.

The Fwaah’s superbowl pick? Everyone has one, here is ours: Doritoes will have the best commercial, and Tim Tebow wins the MVP. For reals though: Patriots: 34 – 24

-Fwaah, Cole

Cal Mader. President.

As the Presidential elections come closer, and without a clear Republican leader. I got to thinking… I could be President. I think most people would like to think they have what it takes to be president, and likely they really don’t have the skills and political savvy that is needed to be the President of the United States. However, what I have that no one else has is that I have an amazing set of changes. Like, sure, some of them seem absurd. I realize that it probably isn’t in the best interest of the country for most of these rules to be implemented. But, when you see my final rule change… I think you’d all agree that the vile rules are worth it for the possibility of what is to come.

Rules that I will implement as the President of the U.S.

1. All first born sons must be named Cupid or Buttbutt.

…We’re off to a great start here…

2. We will bomb every country that begins with a specific letter. The letter will be determined by a Bingo Lottery System lead by the Cleveland Cavaliers owner.

Sure thing Mr. President, I'd be happy to let you assert your power over Earth.

3. I believe that evolution needs to be taught to all children. However, they will be taught that we, as a human race, evolved from Benjamin Franklin who gave birth to Moses and Charles Darwin.

Darwin! My bro.

I furrow my brow at you, Moses.

4. Our official language: Meow.

5. Chairs are banned. Including wheelchairs. They now be Wheel-stools.

6. Our military will be lead by whoever Ashton Kutcher is dating.

This guy picks our military command? Makes sense to me. He's totally hawt, broseph.

7. Orangutans are the only legal pet.

I smell like poop. Do not bring me in your house.

8. Cars must be painted to look like me.

8. Cars must be turned into scrap metal. For everyone to have Airplanes.

8. I get Airplanes.

9. Everybody will have to learn how to pogo stick, ride unicycles, or fit into small cars for the first ever Nationalized Clown Force. Similar to the Army.

10. If I win, there will be a free Dippin Dots day.

This picture is basically porn.

I guarantee victory.

That’s how good Dippin Dots are. All these things would probably not be in the best interest of anybody but Adam’s parents. They hate chairs. But come on… Dippin Dots! They’re glorious. You would vote for me for free Dots. Don’t even lie to my face about it.

Who's gonna be voted President in 2012? This guy.

Crusty

“Students, please tell me about Christopher Columbus.”
“Man. That boy is crusty.

Crusty as defined by Urban Dictionary. Urban Dictionary: The leading word defining machine since that schnozzle, Webster.

Some definitions:
1.Someone who doesn’t shower or bathe as a statement.
2. a fan of the genre of harsh punk rock/hardcore music called crustcore, crust punk or simply crust.
3. Adjective used to decribe old people,a gross unidentified substance, anything broken, dirty, crumby, badly made/conceived, falling apart, stupid, wierd, gross, this word can be used very freely as it goes with anything that may have to do with the word crust but it never describes anything good.
4.Something grotesque, dirty, or hideous.

The most common definition is to be smelly. So lets go through and discuss the most crusty people out there:

10. Eleanor Roosevelt

9. Pig Pen

8. Genghis Khan

7. Amy Winehouse. Too soon?

6. Man From India

5. Krusty

4. Flavor Flav

3. Jocelyn Wildenstein

2. Galileo

1. Christopher Columbus

Take a shower guys. Get that crust off yo’self.

-Cal

fwaah.

What is Space Jam? (Some thoughts and findings…)

We all as humans have found ourselves looking up to the heavens. Wondering, trying to comprehend what kind of cosmic forces could have come together in such perfect harmony quite like the NBA and animation powerhouses of the 90’s to create the breathtakingly complex, Space Jam. But what is the Big SJ really?

Well it’s a vehicle of supreme high life 90’s nostalgia racing around the hearts of every twentysomething whether they know it or not. A little bit of Space Jam lives in all of us. Michael Jordan is simply the greatest basketball player ever to walk (or perhaps AirWalk…) the earth, and to AirWalk into our hearts.

I know I would...

Yeah…. Go ahead and say that you wouldn’t, we all know you would.

Through the eyes of the SJ camera Michael Jordan was forever revered as the king of  the basketball court. His biggest critics may try to remember MJ as a ball-hog trash-talker instead of a team leader; the centerpiece in the legacy of the late 90’s Bulls; or try to make it seem MJ couldn’t let a good thing like six rings, come to a clean end after Jordan’s admittedly feeble attempt at a comeback, (to get a seventh ring to go with his six rings,) with the Wizards from ’01 to ’03. People holding these sentiments chip away at the pure ivory (ebony?) statue of basketball history he left behind. However Jordan holds over nineteen thousand NBA records including (but not limited to): six rings, the highest career regular season scoring average, best bod, and winner of the Michael Jordan look-alike contest fifteen years in a row.

For real, he has six rings.
And the Loony Toons?

The Loony Toons are an almost equally powerful force of good as MJ. Bringing laughter, clean slapstick humor, and silly hijinks with significantly less racist overtones than Disney for decades.

Nappy Hair.

This movie has never been officially released… do you really wonder why?

The Loony Toons have always been a good for a solid chuckle or a thought such as, “I didn’t know you could put a frying pan there…” or “That cat REALLY wants that mouse for something…” But “What is Space Jam?” is a bigger question than what one may initially think. As I did some research into the question looking past the surface, I came across several shocking revelations that really shook me to my core. Upon researching many sample populations, data points, and scholarly articles, I was struck with the shock and horror that not everyone has seen Space Jam. My future children can expect to be exposed to Space Jam approximately ten seconds after relocation from the womb. It will be the easiest transition from a life of warm comfort and satisfaction into this desolate wasteland of a planet… a desolate wasteland that’s brightest shining light is the wonderment that is Space Jam.

Despite these FACTS of life, people are still non-believers in the beauty of “The Jam.” I compared a million things, compiled the data, and was shocked to find these results.

An unbelievable amount of child labor went into making these images.

This makes sense.

Followed by…

Seriously, the kids make like ten cents an image.

If you have seen Space Jam, you know this follows logically.

But this….

The pixel-to-cash ratio is pretty much rock bottom. It's sad really...

This is horrific and terrifying.

This makes me feel sad and scared for our county’s future. There are people likely running for office that have never had an opportunity to lay witness to a confrontation between the ToonSquad’s array of colorful, Warner Bros. branded, basketball warriors, and the once small, kinda powerful aliens from outer space who are just a general annoyance, the MonStars. How can so many live what they believe are to be happy lives when they haven’t experienced that moment when the belief of your ability to fly overcomes all obstacles. So remember kids… Friends don’t let friends live a Space Jam-less life. Let’s see if we can build a better tomorrow, today. With daffy too.

MJ imparting some of his timeless wisdom upon one lucky duck.

SIDENOTE!

Bill Murray was in this movie. Seriously, how much amazingness can one movie fit into one VHS tape…

It's true!

No Bill... You're Awesome.

-Adam

fwaah.

Image

Fun Fact of the Day!

Hello all!

Trying out a new feature in the blog these days! As we come across random interesting factoids in our daily life, we do our best to check and then double and quintuple check the source and truthiness of said facts. Then, we pass the savings along to you!

Not to worry, this will not take over the blog as the only source of information and hilarity, but rather will supplement and hopefully beef it up a little bit! Our blog is a growing boy and needs as much interesting content as possible!

So, I was spending my Thursday morning as I normally spend my Thursday mornings: looking up “Little People” on the internet. One thing led to another and I was brought to the attention of this little guy.

how does he stay so fit... he probably doesn't "munch" on too many snack. ;)

A Happy-Go-Lucky Munchkin

This man here, is Karl Slover. He is one of four living “Munchkins” from The Wizard of Oz. Isn’t he just the cutest? Yes. Yes he is. This dude is 93, and he is still kicking it. Look at that shine he has, you know he could tell you a story or two. And the first think you might notice in the photo is the elephant-like size of his ears. (Not intended as an insult! We love Munchkins. We really do!)

What we wouldn't do for this mug... Oooooh boy.

Anyway, munchkin mugs aside, The Fun Fact of the Day IS: As we continue to grow, so do our ears and noses! No joke! Dr. Oz can back me up on this one. (We’re talking about munchkins… Dr. OZ…. coincidence? I think not.) So as we continue to grow and our final days inch closer and closer, our ears transform from cute little facial structures into something out of a classic Disney movie.

Not that there's anything wrong with that...

Just as I have accepted Dumbo despite his unique physical properties, I for one welcome our large ear’d elderly folk. Besides, maybe soon we’ll have a sky full of old people flying around with their ears.  I wouldn’t say no…

So yeah! What you do with this brand new torrent of information is up to you, but the moral of the story is: Love your local munchkins, and don’t make fun of Dumbo, cuz your ear day is fast approaching.

edit @ 12:29pm: fwaah.

-Adam

1950’s: A New Tragedy

I had to write this essay for a history class. It’s about the 1950’s.

Happy Days

The real 1950's?

A family of four (husband, wife, son, daughter) crowd around their new television, as a peppy theme song for their new television show starts, and they sit on their new couch, enjoying their new sodas, bought from their new supermarket, which was built next to their new suburban home, in the new suburb, next to the new highway, which was paved for the new cars, which will be driven by new middle-class people, to their new jobs, because of their new degrees. This is the 1950’s in the United States. A new era. The 1950’s population boom, commonly referred to as the “baby boom” generation (MPAH, p. 330), brought about a lot of change and new thinking. The new middle-class white citizens embarked on a new journey of materialism, wealth, and new adventures. However, this time period has a dark side. It was not all “Monday, Tuesday, Happy Days” for the country. Although the 1950’s are categorized as being one of the finest decades in the United States, it also brought out a scary and selfish side of America that has never been precedent before. Engaging the United States was sexism, laziness, materialism, the Red Scare, racism, and xenophobia. The fifties brought a new hope to the country. Yet, it also brought something else that was new: a new tragedy.  The 1950’s brought new psychological, social, and political tensions that shaped the way the U.S. citizens thought and lived.

Generally perceived image of the family in the1950s.

The United States’ citizens were being wrapped up into new psychological apprehension that has never been seen before. Women’s internal struggle, the need for new materialistic wealth, the Red Scare, and xenophobia are just a few examples of new psychological struggles citizens were faced with. In the 1950’s, there was always an internal conflict going on in a woman’s mind between trying to succeed to her own standards and striving to fit society’s standards (document 9, p. 343). Women were imprisoned to their own thoughts. Women desired to be freethinking and to be equal to men. However, the 1950’s brought back pre-1920’s thinking. Instead of bringing new hope and freedom to women, the 1950’s brought back an outdated system of women being defined as exclusively housekeepers. Women’s minds were battlegrounds between freedom and imprisonment. People were also fighting to “keep up with the Joneses.” The desire to buy the best and to keep buying brought forth a new psychological debate that Americans never had to face before. The Americans had a new desire to buy for themselves and for their children in order to prove that they were no longer in the Great Depression (document 4, p. 336). Everybody in the 1950’s also had to deal with a new psychological feeling of hatred and xenophobia. They hated everything that was different. Whether it was a different looking house, to even hating people who were different than them. Whether it was the retreating to the suburbs to get away from the black citizens in the city or hating different races and calling them communists (textbook, p. 1044). The Red Scare brought forth a new fear of Russia and other communist countries because of propaganda, wars, and even just public hysteria. Children were also dealing with this as well (document 1, p. 333). The psychological bearings that the 1950’s brought were chastising the minds of citizens and are quickly forgotten about when talking about the “Happy Days” 1950’s. However, these worries not only existed, but they were forefront worries in the minds of U.S. citizens.

No real reason. Cartoons, I guess. Ultimately, Spongebob does not need a reason.

Social nuances such as sexism, materialism, television, family issues, racism, and conformity ran amuck during the 1950’s. Sexism was blatant and back into the lives of Americans. Women were again placed at the forefront of the “social purification” agenda. Men and even other women stressed that women were to be good housewives, and to not worry about getting a college degree or to advance as a human being (document 2, p. 333). Society wanted a woman’s primary goal to not be to better herself, but rather her husband and her family’s interests (document 3, p. 335). Materialism was becoming a part of everyday society. Society used to be just fine with what they had, but the 1950’s made every American want the newer and better item. Some believe that materialism stemmed from the want to get their sons and daughters what they could not get when they were growing up due to the Great Depression. Television was becoming to have a societal value. Fifty million new TV’s were purchased by 1960 (MPAH, p. 331). You had to not only own a nice new television, but to also keep up with all the shows (Diggins, p. 345). Children would spend hours watching cartoons (document 1, p. 332). The issues of the family also troubled society. Families were breaking apart (Coontz, p 354). Whether it was the extensive rise of cheating husbands or the rising divorce rate, families were being destroyed from the inside (Diggins, p. 350). Racism was also prevalent. The society was still not completely free of slavery. Yes, labor slavery has long been banned, however racial freedom and equality was nowhere near perfect in the 1950’s. When you think of the perfect family from the 1950’s, you think of a white middle class family (Coontz, p. 352). Also, racism was occurring in the North, and not just the South. Many Americans left the city to their white suburbs, leaving behind an empty shell of what used to be the city (document 8, p. 331). Poor people and blacks were left in the dust, because highway systems and Urban Sprawl began. Conformity was also a new social struggle. The idea of conforming was something that people feared, but ran right into it (document 5, p. 337). Everyone wanted to be just like everyone else: have the same new house, car, television, etc, but people wanted to be individualistic. This hypocrisy was widespread through much of society in the 1950’s. The society during this decade was looked at as a nice and new society. However, the society was not near perfect, and many of its highest morals were not held true and deliberately disobeyed and forgotten.

Political hardships were also a plague during the 1950’s.  Politics in the United States meant dealing with the endless threat of nuclear war and communism by Russia, the Korean War, as well as dealing with domestic problems such as the rising Civil Rights movement. Russia and the United States were in a non-combat war during the 1950’s. This war was a political nightmare. The arms race and continual threat of nuclear war made the war very stressful. The fear that Russia and the United States could just push a button and destroy the world was a very real possibility. Russia was also taking over Eastern Europe and controlling many countries to create the USSR. This take over was also fearful to many Americans and the world, because they were spreading communism throughout those countries. The fear of communism and of the USSR was what caused the Red Scare (named after the red color usually associated with the USSR). President Truman used powers that went beyond executive powers to control the relationship between Russia and the United States (textbook, p. 1013). The Korean War was another political mess. The Korean War stemmed from the Cold War and became a place of battle for democracy (textbook, p. 1021). Another political uproar was the Civil Rights Movement (textbook, p. 1038). The Civil Rights Movement was the social movement by blacks to achieve what they should have earned in 1776 and at the very least post-Civil War: rights. Often the protests by blacks would have been peaceful protests. Some famous peaceful protests were the sit-ins at restaurants or the “Freedom Rides.” However, not all protests would end up peaceful. White Southerners were quick to extinguish any followers and protests with violence and hatred.  Then the black people started to get violent as well with the Black Panther group. Political leaders were being torn between picking the side of black or white. Politics are almost always under scrutiny, and the 1950’s were no different. The political struggles were both international and domestic.

This picture is from the 1960s. But it's a famous one. So I wanted to show you anyways.

The 1950’s brought many hardships to the United States. It was not as peaceful and easy as many television shows convey. It was a time of new homes and families, but with the new loves came the new tragedy. A time filled with fear and constant turmoil of races, sexes, and classes. The fifties in America will always be remembered for how great it was. It will be remembered for the TV shows, rock n’ roll, the nuclear family, the suburbs, the new cars, the middle-class, and, of course, their cigarettes. However, there is a hidden underbelly to this beautiful monster: The New Tragedy.

-Cal

American History: A Quick Burp (Part I)

Basically. History is the best subject in school. Everything is history. That war that happened in the 1940s, history. That dump you took this morning after heavy alcohol consumption because your football team lost, history. A friend, who will remain unnamed, asked me to write out what happened in American History in a clear and easy-to-follow way.  I am awesome at retaining history. I take absolutely no notes, will read approximately 20 pages out of a book, and will get an A in history classes all day.

American History Notes.

History of the Andean Nations. Notes do not apply.

As you can see, I do not necessarily take notes. and my whole notebook is doodles. But I understand that history does not come as easily to everyone. So, lets start from the Declaration of  Independence and move our way up. This is Part I, so I will just discuss a couple things, and you can write in the comments section on what you’d like me to give a brief history lesson on. 

Declaration of Independence: Okay. First off, learn how to spell “declaration.” I’ve seen so many kids mess this word up. And it’s pretty much making you look stupid. It’s not that common of a word, but seriously. This document got this country going. Also, “independence” has no ‘As’ in it. Learn it.
Who: America. Thomas Jefferson.
What: Gave the U.S. freedom from britain and their messed up teeth. Also, ripped King George III a new one.
When: Jul 4, 1776
Where:  ‘Merica
Why: Democracy, bitches.
What I think is cool: Thomas Jefferson gets cred for this thing all day. But it’s a fun story. Jefferson was supposed to write it with a group of people. They all dumped it on him. Jefferson, in the original Declaration, wrote pages on what he felt should be done to Scottish people. He was very very racist. He hated Scotts, and basically wanted them to not be allowed into the US. Also, Jefferson straight up plagiarized George Mason and John Locke to write the Declaration. You’ve probably never even heard of George Mason, but he wrote VA’s declaration, and Jefferson basically just copied and pasted what he wrote. Also, you’re familiar with the biggest quote from the Declaration of Independence, “We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Happiness.” Yep. That’s Locke. Jefferson did not come up with that. It’s pretty awesome, I agree. But Jefferson: 1. Didn’t write it. and 2. Didn’t mean it. What he meant was, “All white dudes with money are legit to go. Except Scottish people. And everybody else, including women, do not matter.” Nothing in the Declaration of Independence was original thought by Thomas Jefferson.


Here’s a fun little History Video.

Civil War: The worst war America has ever been in. The South started it, and the North ended it. But then didn’t really get the blacks rights. Thank you, Compromise of 1877.
Who. North (Union) vs. South (Confederate). Abe. Lee (South). Grant (Nort’)
What: Freed the blacks. But not really.
When: 1861-1865
Where: ‘Merica
Why: South gave up on the U.S.
What I think is cool: The South suck. They are stupid sacks of poop that like the smell of other peoples farts. They seceded from the U.S. before Lincoln even became prez. They sucked at winning a war, even though Lee was arguably the best general in American history. Lincoln did not even care for the freedom of blacks, he just wanted to save the U.S… which is admirable, but don’t give him credit for freeing the blacks, because he was killed before it happened. Also, the Gettysburg Address did absolutely nothing. The Emancipation Proclamation, also doesn’t matter. The North wins, and blacks get “freedom.” However, they experience no sense of belonging or civil rights for the next hundred years. Thanks, North. You guys really dropped the ball there. The South was so stubborn they would have started another civil war if they had to let black people use the same drinking fountain as the whites. Geez. Some of the most dumb and racist people are from the United States.

General Grant. His hat is baller.

Robert E Lee.

So. That’s just two things. I would love to do more for you guys. But I’m not sure what to do them on. So, please, in the comments section post what you want to hear on. I’d prefer to do American History only, but you are obviously allowed to comment whatever. If you hate this post, keep your stupid comments to yourself then.

Tell your friends about us.

Confusing. Enlightening. Fwaah.