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Archive for the ‘Movies’ Category

Movie Monday!

They wrote that?!?! Edition.

Seth Rogen: Apart from being crazy hilarious in both films, not many people know that actor Seth Rogen actually wrote the scripts for SuperBad and Pineapple Express. When Seth was still awaiting his big break into the entertainment business, he, along with buddy and co-writer Evan Goldberg, had a competition to see how many one-page movie scripts they could write. Two of those scripts eventually got a full-length treatment, and were turned into the comedies we know!

Jim Rash: Fans of the tv series Community will recognize Jim Rash as the flamboyantly questionable, “please-get-out-of-my-personal-space” Dean Pelton. What many don’t know, but are soon finding out, is that he is an award-winning screenwriter, winning the 2012 Oscar for Best Adapted Screenplay for his work on The Descendants. The dude is seriously streets ahead in his writing skills, and I’m looking forward to seeing his return to television come March 15th. Here he is wearing silly costumes and being sexually ambiguous.

Kevin Grevioux: A Minnesota native, Kevin is known as “the big werewolf with the really low voice” from Underworld. Cool thing about that is that he actually wrote the first copy of the script as well as came up with all the original characters! The movies are pretty dope with some cool vamp action going on as well. Plus Kate Beckinsale isn’t all that bad looking…


Leigh Whannell: I can’t believe I forgot this one! Shout out to the Calamander for bringing it to my attention. For those of you who, like me, thoroughly enjoyed the first Saw film, and cringed through the rest of the series, shouting at the film screen as you strip off your clothes in revolt against the downward spiral of film quality, this trivia is a real treat. Turns out the guy opposite Dr. Gordon in the original bathroom trap, Adam, was actually the guy who wrote the film! He met the director, James Wan, when the two were studying at RMIT. They shot a short film which would be the basis for the first Saw film. Here’s a copy of the stellar theme song, which encapsulates the creepy tension of the first film.


Top 10 Villains That You Forgot

There’s been a rise of water in my house. Two dams broke to reveal a waterfall was conveniently located above my house. I wake up to find that everyone has drowned, except for me. I stay afloat by dog paddling and strong grunts that I hope translates to prayers. Who could have done this to me? Who broke these dams? At first I ponder; I think of the classics. I think Darth Vader had something to do with this. Or Joker. Or, Ghostface. Or, at the very least, Agent Smith. These are the best villains. They surely could have pulled something like this off. But what about the villains that people have forgotten? That their prime time was but a blip and is now gone? This post is a memorial to them.

Okay. Rules. We always need rules. So. Only movies from the 90’s and up are included. And this is not the best villains list. This is a list of villains that are pretty cool, and you just forgot about them. So like, yeah, Hannibal Lector, Terminator, and Hans Landa are awesome villains, but you haven’t forgotten about them. If you were going to make a top 10 villains of the last twenty years, you would include Hannibal Lector. So these are the guys that might have a case to make the list, but ultimately get forgotten.

10. Lamia from Stardust (2007)

Cynical Witch.

Stardust is one of the most underrated movies ever. Like, has anyone seen this? It’s straight up baller. It’s one of the coolest fantasy movies I’ve ever seen. I love all the characters, and the story is dece. I own it, so… If you wanna borrow it, just ask. But this villain is great. She’s a witch played by Michelle Pfeiffer. She gets to run around using magic which she turns a goat into a man, and a man into a girl. And a nothing into a hotel. All the while, she’s trying to chase after a star to cut out her heart so that she can stay immortal.

9. Mugatu from Zoolander (2001)

Will Ferrell as a villain. Better than him being a semi-pro basketball player. Way better.

8. Edgar from Men In Black (1997)

We got a bug.

Any time that you can’t find a half decent picture of a movie villain, then you know that the villain has been forgotten. But I ask that you please don’t. I would like to point out that this, to my immediate knowledge, is the second time we’ve referenced Men In Black. I think that’s a record since y2k. But anyways, this dude steals some farmers body and then drives around and turns into a beast bug in the final scene. “The galaxy is on Orion’s Belt”. Why couldn’t he just have said Orion’s leash? More than a decade later, I’m still in my seven year old self’s body struggling with the little alien in the guys face. He could have changed that one word, and you could have helped everything. Stupid alien-face guy.

7. Shan Yu from Mulan (1998)

Shan Yu: The Most Metal Villain Disney Has Ever Had.

I saw this movie in theaters. With my brother and his friend, Evan Telford. Evan had like two dozen pets. Not an exaggeration. I still remember stuff like this. This is why I can’t remember economics/anything, because my mind is filled of stupid memories like who I went and saw a movie with in 1998. Anyways, Shan Yu had facial hair, like a jagged sword, beefy muscles, and a freakin falcon. A falcon. “They poppin out of the snow… Like Daisies!”

6. T Rex from Jurassic Park (1993)

Remember when he ate the guy on the toilet? Coolest thing ever.

The only thing better than a T-Rex is two T-Rex. I’m being honest, I think my post on dinosaurs was my favorite post ever. You know who hasn’t forgotten this movie villain? Cole Luskey. Watching Jurassic Park with Colt is one part maniacal and one part inspirational. I’ve never seen anyone enjoy a movie as much as he does to Jurassic Park.

5. Jigsaw from Saw (2004)

I put a picture of the puppet in case you haven't seen the movie.

The Saw series gets a lot of flack and fluff. But the first one is probably my favorite horror movie ever. I hate horror movies, but Saw is so cool. The ending is just phenomenal. I recommend Saw. Don’t bother with the other six, unless you’re me, Adam, or Spencer. Yeah, it’s a pretty dark movie, and there’s some straight up gore. But the first one isn’t too gory. And like I said, the story is actually awesome.

4. Imhotep from The Mummy (1999)

Sand storm face

Imhotep is baller. In between being in love, he’s a skeleton, a half skeleton, a person, and a sand storm face.

3. Chip Hazard and the Commando Elite from Small Soldiers (1998)

Does anyone else think he looks way too much like the Avatar bad guy? Like... Is a white haired older buff guy just the cliche bad military leader guy? I didn't realize there was a stereotype for that.

I just google'd "bad guy avatar" for this one. Google is the best thing ever. Imagine homework without google. Can't. I'd have to know the Dewey Decimal system?

My anecdote for Chip is that Kirsten Dunst is in this movie. And the Gorgonites are wimpy deer. The Commando Elites are were the coolest bad guys ever when I  was eight. This movie was kinda dark for young kids. I feel that way about a lot of movies that I watched when I was younger. Have you seen Pinocchio recently? I don’t know how I didn’t just pee all over my house after watching that.

2. Van Pelt from Jumanji (1995)

Kirsten Dunst is in this movie too.

It’s argumentative that the real villain of this movie is the board itself. But, I ain’t about to get all literary analysis on ya! We just be talkin bout da bad duders. Van Pelt sucked too. Like, he was chasing after the kids. And he had that gun… Ya know what else, does anyone remember when he called Robin Williams character “Sonny Jim” at the end of the movie. I liked that in 95. And. I still like that.

1. Warden Samuel Norton from Shawshank Redemption (1994)

"I wonder what was the last thing going through his mind; other than that bullet."

Okay. This movie is phenomenal. And. We all know that. If you haven’t seen Shawshank Redemption then you are really missing out. But, why does everybody not give credit to this awesome villain? Sure, he doesn’t have an evil costume. And he’s not trying to destroy the world with a death ray. But he’s sinister! He held Dufresne captive even though he knew he was innocent. And had the guy that could testify for his innocence executed. Oh man. He’s so obtuse.

Here’s a link: Family Guy’s Shawshank Redemption spoof.

I went a whole post without a youtube video…

Never mind.

Who’d I miss? Lemme know below.


This is the pits.

I wandered into the Grinsell Archives. There were no security guards. Just a sign that read “Beware of Dog.” The only thing close to a dog was a man  just chilling playing video games. He looked like a mixture of Karl Marx and Shaquille O’ Neal. I struggled to find a light, but only found cobwebs, an old oil can labeled “Crocodile Rock”, thousands of lost souls, and Rick from Pawn Stars. I fell down a pit and into the abysmal archives. I’m still here. I have been sitting on a skateboard and whistling Andy Griffith’s theme song for two weeks. My fate rests with the hopes that someone will find their way through this negative space. But this whole ordeal brought me to a thought:

Let’s just get this ball rolling.

Ball Pits
Ball Pits are basically the revitalization of religion to kids. Ya know what? If Ball Pits weren’t cluttered in the smog of terrible stories, I’d totally belly flop one of these suckers. Who doesn’t dream of buying a huge ball pit and swim through them like Scrooge McDuck does to his piles of money. (Pretty sure coins coupled with gravity would create a pretty dense product. Think about it. That guy should have straight up broken his face. If not, at least strangled from the weight. You just don’t think about these things when you’re a kid.) Who hasn’t heard a story that sounds like this, “Oh yeah man, I heard that this baby lost his diaper in that ball pit.” Classic baby move. There’s just a pile of feces, throw up, and sweat in these things. That’s why I want to open a Ball Pits 4 Adults store. Like Dave & Busters did to Chuck E, but we’re going to add the ball pit. Or… a Ball Pits 4 Cal store. Y’all can visit. Just no pooping, bro. Weak.

If you look hard enough, you can see a party of cockroaches having a barbecue.

Video Game Pits
Whether it’s Crash Bandicoot or Mario or Lara Croft, these things are cool. Undoubtedly, the most over used obstacle in gaming history, these pits have killed thousands of characters over the years. These murderous mayhems are still straight up the most frustrating ordeals in your daily video game life. …Besides that one schnozzle on CoD. How did he know I was there? Amiright? …More discussion worth bringing up: Where do all the dead Marios go? Or just how far does Crash fall before being spawned back to safety next to the TNT boxes?

Arm Pits
They smell bad, sweat uncontrollably, can turn white shirts into green shirts. They suck. They get all hairy. Arm Pits can go burn in a butt. No analyzing needed here. You all have these moldy guac tubs.

Spike Pits
When I say Spike Pit you might think of Indiana Jones or Mortal Kombat. Maybe you don’t… My mind works weird. But these are classic examples of Spike Pits. You don’t wanna fall in one of these. Because… It’s kill you. Or worse… Stab you. Stabbing and not dying sounds worse to me then just death. Have you guys seen Hot Fuzz? Do you get my reference? Don’t watch this, but here it is:

Peach Pits
They are messy. Get stuck all up in your face. You gotta eat around them to enjoy your tasty healthy snack. Just another example of a bad pit. Peach pits are basically a rock in your snack. Or, an even better metaphor: A kidney stone in your urine. See also, cherry pit.

Got this when I google'd "peach pit." Seems relevant.

Mosh Pit
A dancing group of boys and brave girls where the goal is to physically punish the person next to you for enjoying the same band as you. What is the point of this? Who cares. They’re fun. Jumping on a trampoline doesn’t make a whole lot of sense, but that’s fun too.

Mosh Pits are stupid to look at.  I recommend you jump in one at a metal show near you.

Pittsburgh. Big Ben Roethlisberger and smelly exhaust. Another terrible pit. If you’re from Pittsburgh, we’re sorry. Not for saying it’s a terrible city, but more so as condolences for your loss. Also, strong Amish population live in PA. And there’s an Ikea there.

Pit Bull
If it starts with the word ‘pit’, it still counts right? The dog and Cuban rapper think they are relevant. But, really, Pitbull talks through an entire Dr. Pepper commercial and I’m pretty sure he doesn’t say a single word. For some reason, I feel like you should know this.

Pit Stop
Why are you still reading this?

Brad Pitt
The last pit(t). Also, the most beautiful. He’s in Benjamin Button. Have you guys seen this movie? I think John Maynard Keynes, Milton Friedman, Adam Smith, and I could play seven rounds of Monopoly before that movie ends. Also, Fight Club is awesome. I would also like to point out that Brad Pitt was in Troy, which made some money, but I have never seen it. And Brad Pitt dumped one of my favorite celebrities, Gwyneth Paltrow, for one of my least favorite, Angelina Jolie. I find her incredibly ugly? Am I the only one? I think my two least favorite actresses are Michelle Rodriguez and Angelina Jolie. No one cares about this. I was just bringing up that Brad Pitt is totally a pit. And therefore gets mentioned.

This isn't even gay.

I swear. I can write blog posts on the dumbest things. See: above
Did I miss some pits? Lemme know in the comments. I swear, the community here at the Fwaah Comments is straight up the coolest community on the webs. Wait… No… It’s actually pretty pathetic.

Fwaah, Cal

Movie Monday

Movie Monday post.

Today’s movies are brought to you by the letter: Valentine’s Day

We’re so mature here at the Fwaah.


Movie Monday

Hey fwaahers,

Here at WTFwaah we were discussing having some new weekly posts that will remain consistent and interesting. Movie Mondays is what came about. Other options were Metal Mondays… But Movie Mondays seemed to be more pertinent to our readers. So anyways, let me explain what we got going on. Hopefully, each one of us will edit the Movie Monday posts to insert a scene from a movie that we like. That’s pretty much it. This is our first Movie Monday so maybe we’ll change it up as it goes on.

This weeks movie clips are brought to us by the word “Eating

Cole’s Movie Clip: