Ties. Men. Honor.

When a man wears a tie. He feels so much better about himself. For example, if I was about to take a test on “the velocity of six trains traveling away from each other at 6000 mph and they were traveling in perpendicular courses, what color is my daughter’s sweater vest?” I would feel completely lost. Certainly the information given does not give me the answer to the question. However, with one simple knot I know the answer.

Brown. And it looks good on her.

Certainly, you say, certainly this tie can not just boost all aspects of your knowledge on life, liberty, and everything! But yes. Yes it does. A well-dressed man can accomplish anything. anything. I guarantee that the man who cures cancer wears a tie. The gentleman that solves the food crises will be nicely dressed.

Norman Borlaug. Legitimately solved the food crises. Has saved millions of lives. And you've never even heard of him.

The other thing about a nicely dressed man, is that he feels like he can accomplish anything. If a man has a tie on, he shouts from his mountaintop of honor and bravery and shouts, “Listen here, World,” and with a humble whisper exclaims, “Get out of my way. I am wearing a tie.”

Ron Swanson. Man. "You may have thought you heard me say I wanted a lot of bacon and eggs, but what I said was: Give me all the bacon and eggs you have."

Another phenomenon that occurs while a man wears a tie is that anything you suggest to him will immediately be followed with a simple,”Doesn’t matter. I’ve got a tie on.”

“Hey man, what are we doing tonight?”
“Dear, do you want to go to the movies or have a pillow fight followed by hours of making out?”
“Dude. That polar bear is ripping your dad’s face off.”

Doesn’t matter. I’ve got a tie on.

-Cal

Comments section is open to all.